Arachniphobia

I believe in peace in the Middle East. I can appreciate the “Coexist” bumper stickers spelled out of symbols from the World’s Religions. I teach my children not to hit other children on the playground. By and large, I believe I’m a peaceful, life-loving creature.

But, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again … spiders and I cannot co-exist in the same living space. If they are outdoors (and not encroaching on a three-foot radius of where I am sitting), I can leave them alone. I love to see their webs glistening in the morning dew. I don’t even mind walking through a silky strand or two on a nice autumn walk in the woods with my kids.

I have to draw the line though, at the creepy crawly little bastards entering my home. Yesterday, I found one crawling up the wall in the bathroom. Today, I found one crawling around my dishwasher as I was trying to load it … and they’re not little.

Here’s the thing … I’ve jumped out of an airplane, off of a bridge, walked across suspension bridges spanning vast canyons, climbed up waterfalls, hidden in small spaces … blood and guts don’t bother me … I have a fairly strong stomach. But spiders … they make me weak in the knees. In spite of the fact that I am millions of times larger than them and can squash them in mere moments … when I see them, I become paralyzed with fear. Usually, I’m barefoot, and there’s no stomping them then. So I stand there … staring them down for a few minutes. Then I start to panic. My heart starts to race. I think of an approach, and then remember that those little devils can jump. Then I yell for my children to come and help me. Then I think about my son’s infected spider bite last month. So I trap it with a glass and watch its fangs trying to bite me anyway. It’s just me, the spider, and pure adrenaline. (And my kids shrieking and running around trying to trip me.)

Then suddenly I start to feel guilty for taking the life of this monster. So I compromise and decide that if it can hold its breath for long enough (which I believe it can), then I’ll just flush it down the toilet and it can live in my septic tank … or maybe find its way out. I know that can’t really happen. It’s probably more likely to crawl back up the pipe and bite me in the a$$ … so I won’t use that bathroom for a few days.

I’m just trying to level the playing field here. Spiders that find their way into my house will be minimized. There, I said it. Fair warning.

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About Not-so-SuperMomma

See my previous blog at www.theminimalchallenge.wordpress.com to learn about how I used to be a SuperMom ...
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