I have somewhat of a love-hate relationship with the gym. The problem is that the love doesn’t kick in until about three months of indentured servitude, and the hate kicks in long before I ever actually make it to the gym. So, it’s what you might call an “unbalanced relationship”. And as my guru, Elizabeth Gilbert, pointed out … balance is everything in life. Which brings me to why I don’t work out.
Also, I have this inner conflict that tells me my brain *must* be more highly evolved than the average pet hamster, which can run for hours on end, perfectly content on that damn wheel … a sharp contrast my affection for the treadmill.
So here I am, before you … an out-of-shape, balance-seeking, hamster-minded mess, just wishing I could fit in the only clothes that I now own, thanks to my massive closet minimization and the fact that I donated all of *this* sized clothing to the thrift store months ago.
But you do not read this blog to learn about my waistline. If you’re looking for tips on health, wellbeing, or fitness, read no further. You’ve come to the *wrong* place.
You have, no doubt, come to this blog for a couple of other purposes … to be inspired by my selfless acts of minimization, or to find solace in the fact that someone else is crazier than you–and so you check back often, looking for your daily dose of comfort and assurance. If you’re looking to minimize your material goods, your stress, or your budget, this is the blog for you.
Which brings me back to why I must start working out. In an effort to minimize, I present you with the juxtaposition of necessary maximization. Stay with me here …
How many of you have athletic club memberships that you never use? (Guilty) Or Netflix subscriptions that you only use once a month–effectively costing you $20 each time you watch a movie? (Guilty) Have any of you signed up for online subscriptions to a service that you’re not using–like Skype or Vonage? (Guilty) Even though it seems like a nominal monthly fee … it’s disappearing from your bank account each month and you don’t even know it. Have you taken a good, hard look at your bank account lately?
Well, I have. And it turns out that we pay a pretty penny for a membership at the local golf course each month. I don’t say this because it is an unnecessary expense. You all know that my husband is a golfer. Trust me when I say that my husband’s ability to find his zen in his golf game is INVALUABLE. But it comes to my attention that there are a LOT of other amenities that our monthly dues enable, such as: use of the tennis courts and swimming pool, free Happy Hour appetizers every Friday, Yoga Classes, FREE COFFEE, Wi-Fi, and … wait for it … a fully-equipped work-out facility. ALL for the bargain price of my husband’s golf habit. So, this begs the question … how am I not maximizing that place? How is it that even after years of membership, I’m still cooking dinner on Friday nights?
So, here’s my plan for the rest of the week. Wake up. Drop my kids off at school. Go to the club. Work-out. Sip free coffee. Work on my laptop via Wi-Fi. Meet my husband for lunch after his round of golf. Work some more. Go to Yoga. Pick up my kids. Return for free Happy Hour food.
I think this kills multiple birds with a single stone. Not to mention that if we never actually spend any time at home, we cannot physically mess up the house. Which means no more cleaning. Hold on … let me do the math on this again …
Free coffee + Free appetizers + Free Wi-Fi + Free Yoga and Workout Facility + Husband meeting his golf quota =
No cooking + No housework
I don’t think it takes a mathematician to convince me that I am SOLD.
Look, I’m not suggesting that everyone rush out and spend their money on a Country Club membership. I’m just suggesting that you evaluate your current expenses and decide whether you are actually maximizing the value of every purchase. It could be food, for example–do you spend a fortune on organic produce that rots in your refrigerator before you have a chance to use it all? (Guilty) Have you ever ordered NFL Sunday Ticket and then had so many weekend commitments that you hardly used it? (Guilty) Or become a home-based business consultant with a minimum requirement for product orders, but failed to actually sell the products, so you end up spending your own money to maintain the consultant status? (Guilty)
The moral of this lesson is simple … maximize the value of the expenses you have, or eliminate the expenses. Use it or lose it.