I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I am not what you might consider a “Star Wars fan.” I’ve tried. Really. Once, when my husband was a teacher and had a projector, we actually projected Star Wars on a twelve-foot wall for a group of kids to enjoy. I tried to sit with them and watch it. I really did. But, seriously? I think I might prefer two straight hours of water boarding.
So, you can imagine my dismay when we had somewhat of a Costume Malfunction tonight. At 10:00 pm. At the costume store on the mainland. Although we have a perfectly adorable (and homemade) Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, and Wendy Lady, I’m devastated to report that there was not a suitable Captain Hook costume to be found. (You could argue that this has something to do with the fact that it is TWO DAYS before Halloween. But ultimately, it will get you nowhere. I tried.)
For hours, we searched for a red (or black) coat in the right size … with the shirt and boots and wig and hat with a big white plume to match … but alas … what we found instead was … wait for it …
(Bows her head and says a silent prayer for her marriage.)
And so, in the team spirit of family unity—and a Costume Party tomorrow night with a cash prize for the best costume—we started over. From scratch. Our daughter chose to be a Baby Ewok, which, if I’m not mistaken is essentially a bear with a bag over its head … but I didn’t design this costume, so who am I to say? Our son is a storm trooper. Complete with cheap plastic mask and even cheaper jumpsuit. In a strange twist of commercialism, the quality of the costume has no correlation to the price of the costume. My husband is, in case you didn’t already know … Darth Vader himself. Which can only mean I got stuck with … Princess Leia. Would you like to wager a guess at how much my head-to-toe white sheet cost?
I don’t actually know anything about Princess Leia. The closest I’ve come to knowing anything about her character is when I read Carrie Fisher’s Wishful Drinking last summer. I’m going to go out on a limb here and point out that that’s not an entirely off-the-mark sentiment this evening.
I’d like to pause for a brief moment to point out that our adventures tonight defy every effort I’ve made in the last three months to either minimize material goods, mind our budget, or change our consumer behaviors (especially with regard to impulse shopping). But who am I to concern myself with such trivial matters? Apparently there’s an intergalactic battle raging out there in the stars, and I am somehow … at the center of it all.